One year birthday celebrated in Heaven

So it's June 28th today and this day would come and go and many people on this earth would celebrate it for many reasons....but not for one as special as mine.  This was Garrett's due date....one year later.  In my heart, if he would have gotten to be carried in my tummy as long as he should have, he would have been born at least close to this day and today we would be celebrating his first birthday.....so June 28th is the second special date to me for him.  His first birthday in Heaven.  People may think it is crazy to keep these dates noted and some may even think I'm a little weird to want to remember......but as time passes, God heals my heart and remembering is good for me and it's a good teacher for my little girls.  I plan on sending balloons up in the sky to the Heavens today.....and we will have cake and it will be a special day to talk about Garrett.  Grace and Clara will grow up knowing that EVERY life is important....especially their brothers.  I find myself grateful to different things in each moment that I think of him.  Lately, I've been grateful that of the times to lose him, I got to have him long enough to bond and link my heart to his and I got to know who he was.....a little boy....and I got to see him and hold him in my hands and look at his tiny little perfect feet and hands.  I am grateful that we got to deliver him in a special way and I went through little contractions.  I'm grateful for the nurses and staff at Norman Regional that they knew how to take care of my heart through the process and that they knew God.  I'm grateful for Dr. Lashbrook.  She was so available and answered so many unanswerable questions.  I'm grateful for Ryan holding my hand through it and the tears that fell from his face. I'm grateful for my parents for loving Garrett as much as I do....still....and making his life important by making him valid and listing him as one of the grandkids and not forgetting him.  His little footprints and picture rest right along with all the other kids and he will always be there.  I am grateful that he wasn't gone too early from us, so I got to know him, but also that if he was to be in Heaven, he went when he did and as peaceful as he did.  I am grateful that my little girl still talks about when I pushed Garrett out and staying with Aunt Cheryl right along with talking about when I pushed Clara out and putting lipstick on Aunt Cheryl and her getting her ice cream (memories from a 4 year old...pushing, lipstick and ice cream).  So I can see I am grateful for so much more and the pain that is still there is just in the memory of that day and those moments after.....those painful moments that wrenched my heart.  I can still remember them as if they were yesterday and I still remember those that surrounded me and made me feel loved.  In those moments, you know God is present.  In those that know how to do it because He taught them.....you find a little peace through pain and slowly but surely He gives you complete peace.  It's always hard right in the middle of it and I remember that it felt like the heaviness would follow me forever....it took special people around me reminding me that I would be okay.  Some people get upset at that because they don't think that anyone has the right.....they don't know what I'm going through.  I see it a different way now.....now that I've been through a few things unexpectedly in my life.....I see it that all struggle is close to the same in the end.....death is the hardest....but it takes the same formula to get through it and something that is always the same is that we all get through it with the help of our Heavenly Father.  No matter what the struggle is.  And I've learned not to judge a struggle....to think....oh, that's not as bad as this.....or why are they still so sad or "get over it....already".  I can't say that I've ever  done that, but I know it happens and people don't really mean it.  I think all people are good hearted somewhere in there.....they just don't always know how to channel it correctly.....or maybe the right words don't come out and don't say what their heart means.  I think we should give each other a break and when someone is trying to help you....maybe it's not coming out the way you think it should, but if you look at the whole of it.....look deep into that person and you know they are trying....and whatever words or actions coming from them, are coming from love and concern.  Another thing I hope to remember myself....I'll remind me by reading this again throughout my life.  Another lesson from God through Garrett's life.  So today is special for so many reasons.  I look at all this little baby in my arms and I know she wouldn't be here if Garrett wasn't and I can't imagine not looking into her big brown eyes or seeing her smile break out all over her face.  God used His people and I am a living walking example of their goodness.  I will try to be as good as they have been to me.  I want to make sure that they all know how much I appreciate them and I'll tell them every moment that I can.  They deserve to know how special God made them.  So today I celebrate your due date....your day you were supposed to be born Garrett and we will do our best to see you again and we will.  We had enough incentive already, but knowing your are there....having no doubt you are there, makes it sweeter.  We love you.  You will always be our little boy.....daddy's little man.  I guess all those guns and tractor toys daddy bought will have to be used by him for now.  Don't worry.....he's okay with that.  Can't wait to see you again.  Happy First Birthday in Heaven little Guy.  Love Mommy