Be Happy Momma

I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but my daughter has caught me crying a few times. Grief is a hard thing to get through, especially when you feel like you have to hold everything in because you don't want your girl to see you sad. A couple of days ago, I just had a moment. My little girl was asleep and for some reason, I just had a moment....and it was time to cry. In my mind as I'm crying, I'm thinking about the day when this won't happen anymore. When I can feel good enough inside that they crying will have larger intervals between. Well, Gracie is asleep and it's time to cry. Just to let the pressure out. I don't sit and pity myself and I am sad, but I know that this will all be okay. I know there is a purpose in everything that happens to us here on earth, but sometimes.....the pressure in me just needs to get out....all of these thoughts and worries....and they get out with some crocodile tear crying. So there I was sitting on the floor in front of my refrigerator (I was going to write Ice Box, but I'm thinking no one else calls it that except for my family) and crying away. My head is down and all of the sudden I feel a little hand on my face. I immediately compose myself, still with my head down and my hand up over my face. It's Gracie....she was totally asleep a few minutes ago and she is a good sleeper....she usually doesn't wake up for an hour. Gracie then asks me if I'm happy. Of course I then say that I am soooooo happy. This wasn't good enough for her. She wants to see my face. She asks me to show her my face. I know this probably sounds like it isn't real, but she really does do this. "Momma, I want to see if you face is happy". She's moving my hands and I'm hoping my eyes don't look red or swollen. Okay, so now I'm laughing because she's leaning and looking through the cracks of my arms and I can see her little concerned eyes. I move my arm, thinking I'm probably looking okay by now. She stares good and hard at me and says, "Oh momma, you face is diiiirrrrttyy. I'm gonna go get a wipy and wipe you face". Off she goes and I wipe under my eyes and see a streak of black on my finger. Mascara. I probably look like a crazy monster. Gracie comes back and I sit and let her wipe under my eyes. She was so gentle and was wiping right under my eyes with extreme care. The wipy felt cool and it felt sweet and made my heart feel good to have her washing away my tears.....or well the damage that my tears left. When I'm feeling a little low, Gracie seems to notice and the has asked me before to make my face happy. So, I'm getting through this with the help of God, the help of my family, my husband and my little girl who keeps me in check. I am Happy....very happy with all that I have. I am a very blessed person....and very blessed to have such an intuitive little girl that makes it her job to make sure that I keep my face looking "happy". I love her....and I am thankful that God gave her to me. I'll be happy for her and for Garrett. I'll be happy for my mom, dad and sister. I'll be happy for Ryan and I'll be happy for myself.