A Note From My Sweet Sister, Cheryl

Wow...this is so touching to me.  What a brave journey you have been on.  I'm so immensely proud of the wisdom and courage you have shown in a confusing and difficult time.  I can grow through you in my faith and trust in God.  I know deep in my heart that God is the answer and that he WILL provide us with the peace and understanding that we need to take the next step in life and to grow closer to him.  In that process we grow and bless our family, loved ones and children by letting God live in and through us.  You are my big sis.  I tell people...all I meet about you.  About the wonderful and true sister you are to me...about the role you've played in my life that no other could ever replace or come near.  God is good.  We were born into a sometimes yucky world...but we were blessed with incredible parents and I can say that I was so incredibly blessed when God gave me you.  You have taken care of me all of my life...and as we've grown older...I've found a friend whom I can trust with my whole heart and soul. 

It means the world to me to see my STRONG sister who's been my role model my entire life...come through this trying time and show me the power of God's grace and compassion for us.  I will forever think of little Garrett...my sweet little nephew every time I see a baby boy...everytime I see you...everytime I look up toward the heavens.  I am learning though...through you...as I always have...that peace in near.  That God will guide us and TAKE CARE OF US...when nothing makes sense.  I love to see you glow and I love to see you being you.  The you I've looked up to my whole life.  I love everything about you.  So you keep getting "Better" happy girl.  Nothing makes me happier inside than to know that you are "better".  However...if you have a low day...you can bet I'll be there.  Always...I will be right here.  I love you sweet sister...always and forever.

 

Garrett's Monument

We found out that Garrett's Monument would be placed.  It was done by some friends of ours that used to play Family Jamborees with our family when I was younger.  The owner has the same name as my dad, Gary, which is neat, because Garrett was named after my dad.  His company is called Bible Monuments and he did an excellent job.  We loved it.  So anyways, we decided on this Sunday afternoon, that we would go out and have a picnic with Garrett's monument.  It was the first time we got to see it and Gracie and I have been really sick these past two weeks....and this was a day for a little sunshine.  Wrapped up, with cotton in our ears, we went to see our little boys Monument.  We set up this little tent and had a picnic right in front of his monument.  It made the day joyful.  Now, when Gracie sees the Monument in pictures, she says "Garrett's picnic".
















Here is a picture of the front of Garrett's Monument. We don't know the exact day or time that Garrett's heart stopped beating, but we do know that when he was born (when I delivered him), he was born straight into Heaven.















Here is the back of his monument.  It has the words from my favorite song, Glory Baby by Watermark

My little girl Gracie sitting on the bench we put behind Garrett's grave.  My sister got me the little bench and it's perfect for Big Sister Gracie, and Cousin Kade and Addy.

Better

I have decided that I am officially doing "better". My daily thoughts do still very frequently go to my little boy. I think often of where I would be in my pregnancy. The fun stage where I'm not sick and not prego big enough to be uncomfortable. The glowy stage. I think about him starting to move and me feel him in my tummy....but still...I am "better". I'm a God talker. I talk a lot through the day to God....kinda like a prayer except I don't always end with in Jesus name, Amen and make it official....but I am always talking to him. I like to hash out my thoughts with God. So I've been talking to God lately....first of all thanking him for Garrett and what he means to me. What he has taught me and is still teaching me. I also thank him for getting me through this process. Thank him for the peace that I feel on certain days. I pray mostly right now and ask Him for Peace moving forward. It's hard to let go of my baby boy, Garrett, and feel okay to move forward in another pregnancy. It has also been hard for me to not worry about getting pregnant again or worry about how this could happen again. Of course, my doctor is so wonderful and reassuring that this should not happen again...but why did it happen this time is where my mind always goes to. I'm still not completely through physically healing. There are reminders, set-backs with my body that make it impossible to forget about it for even a moment. All normal set-backs, but still....."better". We got out of the car the other night and Gracie pointed up at the stars like she always does and says, "Stars". I always ask her who made the stars and she usually says "God", but the other night she said "Garrett".....out of the blue. It made me smile because I knew she was associating Garrett with the sky, with Heaven, with God. She has helped me a lot through the days to get "Better" because she is so wonderful. She makes me giggle and laugh out loud in belly laugh fashion with her funniness. I say I'm getting better because sometimes I test myself....and I have tested myself on certain days....thinking about being pregnant again.....and I've not been scared.....felt peace. So, my prayer for myself....is to have peace about the future. That's what I ask God for. I always pray for my baby....I always pray for a healthy baby in my future and I always pray for peace. Speaking of peace. I first started doing this blog because it helped me tremendously to read another blog by a girl named Stacy who had lost her little boy. When I joined her story, she was pregnant. I guess that was 2 months ago. She was going to have a little girl and was hashing out her hopes and fears on her blog. It immediately made me feel good for her and for me....that she could go through such loss as I had....and be on the other side of it....She had her baby March 4th. A beautiful little girl with tons of hair....and so sweet and adorable. It made me happy for her. I don't even know her. I just know her story....but what joy I felt when I got that update. It made me "better" to see and feel her joy with her. This girl whose words have brought me peace. Her strength and her words reminded me to stay with God and I would be okay....I would be "Better".